Sometimes the moments that test us aren’t after a firing, a divorce, or a sickness.

Sometimes those moments are during the monotony of everyday life.

Wake up…

Get the kids ready for school…

Work…

A little exercise…

Take the kids to practice…

Prepare and eat dinner…

Go to bed… 

Rinse and repeat…

Rinse and repeat…

Rinse and repeat…

I’ve been angry recently.

Angry towards my family, towards the world, and maybe most importantly, angry towards myself.

The anger has been covering a sadness.

I haven’t felt “the love.”

Sure, I have a loving family and I never go long before receiving a hug.

The love I’ve been missing is in the form of putting my talents, my skills, and my purpose out into the world.

The world is burning and I’m on the sidelines.

This brings incredible sadness.

Yes, there’s sadness for the wars, environmental destruction, income inequality, and all the “hatred”.

But the real sadness is for myself.

I’m sad that Dan is afraid.

I’m sad he’s lacked the ability to fight.

We glorify the man who fights.

Reverence is given to those who die.

No one ever gives compassion for the man who’s wired towards “flight” versus “fight.”

My hardwiring has me sitting on the sidelines.

Choosing to consume rather than create.

Choosing to watch rather than contribute.

Choosing to chill rather than work.

I haven’t wanted to “flee”, but I’ve felt stuck.

I’ve been scared.

What if I fail?

What can I really do?

Who do I think I am?

These thoughts have kept me inside, protected from the storm, separated from my true potential.

There has been plenty of effort to change.

I continue to meditate.

I exercise nearly every day.

I meet once a week with a Men’s Group.

I meet with a meditation teacher / therapist.

I’ve talked to numerous friends with backgrounds in coaching and therapy.

I’ve invested thousands of dollars in training.

These efforts have kept me from truly drowning, but my head remains just above the surface.

The will power is there, but the power expended is more arms flailing and legs kicking than actual progress.

Sometimes will power isn’t the problem.

Sometimes, you just need to accept being stuck.

Supposedly the easiest way to get out of quick sand is to stop moving and just be.

I’m beginning to see the lessons this period of “stuckness” has taught me.

The lessons weren’t easily learned.

Life doesn’t care about your desire to check off action items from your list.

It doesn’t care if you want to go faster.

True life lessons happen according to life’s calendar, not yours.

You can’t fast track transformation.  It’s not something that can be purchased through next day delivery.

Transformation is earned through doing the work.

Sometimes the work requires you to fail, over and over again. 

Sometimes the work requires you to learn the true art of patience, over and over again.

Sometimes the work requires you to feel like a big waste of flesh, over and over again.

Sometimes the work requires you to lead by following, even when your ego says otherwise.

Sometimes the work requires you to follow the direction life wants you to go in, even when you don’t want to.

I’m still scared, but I’m ready to stop flailing and kicking, and start by just being.

This path requires more of everything I thought I had…

Faith, patience, and trust.

As I’ve felt trapped in quicksand watching others fly by on the “race”, for the first time, I can see these past months and maybe even two years had a purpose.

While appearing to be stuck, I was developing the extra faith, patience, and trust needed for this next leg of the journey.

I began writing these words to give myself hope.

It hasn’t worked.

I don’t feel much different than when I started this.

I still feel the quicksand surrounding me, my insides are still burning.

I’m still scared.

The difference is I’m not flailing around trying to grab onto a lifeline that isn’t there.

I’m still.

Facing the fear that stares me back.

With the fear around me, I’m no longer sinking and that’s good enough for now.

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Author Bio: Dan started Fired and Free in 2017, to provide his “truth” after being fired as CEO of the company he started and led. After a diverse 17-year career in management consulting and entrepreneurship, Dan now leads 3Sixty Leadership, where he provides coaching and consulting to business owners, helping them to improve their leadership and company culture.